queenBeesguide

Queen Bees & Wannabes

A uthority: Rosalind Wiseman

Defending Ourselves: Prevention, Self-Defense, and Recovery from Rape

Written by cofounder of Empower, a group that studies and helps teen girls in both elementary and high schools deal with daily social situations and help empower youth to stop violence.

Wiseman draws her interview data from her work with girls in a school-based violence prevention program, the Empower Program, but she offers no clear information on her subjects.

She is an advisor to Liz Claiborne's Women's Work program and has been featured on The Oprah Show and CNN and in publications such as USA Today, the Washington Post, and the New York Times. She lives in Washington , D.C.

B ias

Reviews:

Wiseman offers some extremely useful advice to parents and others on what works and what does not with girls in tricky situations, such as the moment when you discover that your own daughter may be a "mean" girl.

Relational aggression is one way the powerless can punish the bad behavior of the powerful…This was how slaves and indentured servants--female and male--got back at abusive masters, how women before legal divorce dealt with violent husbands and how working women today get back at abusive bosses.

Blunt, wise guides are essential reading for parents, teachers, and caregivers.(Beck:Library Journal)

Straightforward humor, sound advice and practical approach make this a must-read for anyone involved in the lives of teenage girls. (Rotella: Publisher's Wekly)

Explains how parents can help their daughters deal with the different issues surrounding friendships, boys, gossip, and cliques as they start high school.

Accepts even the most repressive and superficial aspects of girlhood. For example, she gushes about the "key rites of passage your daughter is likely to experience: getting an invitation to an exclusive party in sixth grade.., her first breakup with a friend; the first time she dresses up for a party in the latest style." What about her first play or high school graduation, to say nothing of being named a Rhodes Scholar?

There is no doubt that Wiseman really listened to girls; she includes powerful quotations from young women who have participated in the Empower Program.

C ontent / Currency

Girls cliques:Queen Bee, Sidekick, Torn Bystander, Messenger and Target

Parenting styles:Lock-Her-in-a-Closet Parent" to "The Loving-Hard-Ass Parent"

Hip Parents, Best-Friend Parents, Pushover Parents “Check Your Bagage”

c 2002

Girls are often mean, but they express aggression differently--and more covertly--than boys: through body language and emotional tactics

D esign

Includes bibliographical references (p. 319-327), filmography (p. 317-318), and index.

Readers' Guide:

1. Dads often feel when their daughters are struggling with these issues that they can't relate, but this is precisely the time for dads to shine (Chapter 2). How can women actively encourage dads and other men in girls' lives to become more involved? What do women do that can discourage men from feeling that they can contribute?

2. What stops parents from talking to each other when their children are in conflict?

Why do some parents feel that it is most appropriate for kids to work it out on their own?

How does it make the other parent feel when they have that response?

3. Why are parents so reluctant to apologize for their child's behavior?

4. Can you think of times when you have denied your own child's wrongdoing? Why was it so hard to admit?

5. What were you teased about when you were your daughter's age and how did you handle it?

What group, if any, were you in?

Did you ever have an experience where a friend was mean or cruel to someone else and you didn't like it, but you said nothing because you were afraid they would turn on you?

6. Why is this considered by some to be a superficial rite of passage that all girls go through?

What do you think cliques and bullying teach your child?

Do you see these experiences influencing the kind of woman she becomes?

7. Can extracurricular activities help girls combat the importance they place on cliques and their social status?

When would these activities be helpful and when could they be just as bad if not worse?

8. Do uniforms stop the social hierarchy?

9. How does parental involvement in school help or hurt these situations?

10. What parental behavior is the most helpful and most difficult in helping girls through these experiences?

11. What kind of parent are you? How do you know? (see Chapter 2)

12. Is your behavior with friends and family (and your interactions with her friends) consistent with your parenting values?

13. What stops parents from confronting each other and what stops them from listening when they find out their child is being bullied or being a bully?